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Madhavi meets life // About breasts, freedom and self-determination

10. December 2019
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madhavi-guemoes

Last week my teenage daughter gave me a slightly stern look and told me that she would find it appropriate if I wore a bra. My jaw fell down and I had to laugh because it reminded me of a situation I experienced over 20 years ago with my mother.

She had just turned 40 and we were on our way to a birthday dinner. My mother was very pregnant. It was a hot August day, she wore a light dress. As we walked around to find the restaurant, it was more than uncomfortable for me that everyone on the street could see that my old mother was obviously still having sex……how embarrassing!

There was only one time when I wore bras regularly. Or what I call a boob jail. When I nursed my children and my breasts took on the size of two giant watermelons, which briefly frightened me.

I’m used to the fact that these two things never get in the way, like when practicing asanas, for example. I am blessed with two handfuls of breasts, which fortunately I never have to squeeze into a bustier. There are exceptions, of course, in jogging, which I force myself to do three times a year, or in the dynamic meditation of Osho. Jumping up and down without a bra is extremely painful, even with small breasts.

Deprivation of liberty

I told my daughter slightly upset that she would not experience me squeezing my tiny breasts into something that would take away my feeling of freedom. Because that is what it is for me. Pure deprivation of liberty. Drill. To take back my femininity. I don’t have to be ashamed of anything on my body.

I told her that she was a free person and that she could make her own decision. As far back as I can remember, no woman in my family ever wore a bra. Never. Why should you put breasts that can stand and exist wonderfully on their own into something that pinches everywhere? I don’t understand it.

The fear that at some point they will hang up to the back of my knees if you don’t keep them locked up is completely unfounded, I can say from my own experience. That certainly depends a bit on the size of the breasts.

Of course I wouldn’t walk around with a transparent shirt.  Then I simply wear bodies, a great and so incredibly practical invention, for all those who don’t like bras and still need privacy shield.

My mother was expelled from school as a teenager because she didn’t wear a bra and hot pants on one day. Two minutes later my grandmother stood in front of the teacher and shouted at him that he should teach her daughter and that it didn’t matter what she wore or didn’t wear. When I heard this story as a teenager, it was pure feminism for me. Because we women have a right to carry what we want. Or just not want. Some like it with a bra, some without. I can hardly breathe with such things, I feel cut off from myself and completely restricted. So away with it.

Somewhere I read that wearing bras is even unhealthy. I don’t know if there’s anything to it, but it seems that bras restrict lymph flow and thus hinder the removal of toxins from the cells. In general, bras should only be worn a little, especially not overnight.

Women are often poisoned if they do not wear a bra. From their own sex. I have experienced this very often. Then looks come, which want to say: “Bridle yourself, put something on!” We have stopped in a very, very outdated place and think we are already so enormously advanced.

From time to time a stupid saying like “Are you cold…?” comes up. (often by women). Then I pretend I don’t know what it’s about. Many women have also told me that they would no longer wear a bra because they have seen how naturally I deal with it. A bra is a great thing, of course, if you really have a use for it. I don’t enjoy it…. Isn’t it nice that we can all choose?

One day later my daughter was standing in front of me in the morning, something was missing. She said: “You may not know it, but I listen to what you say”. I took her in my arms and whispered, “Welcome to the club.”

Madhavi Guemoes
Madhavi Guemoes dachte mit 15, dass sie das Leben vollständig verstanden habe, um 28 Jahre später zu erkennen, dass dies unmöglich ist. Sie arbeitet als freie Autorin und Vollzeit-Bloggerin in Berlin und ist Mutter von zwei Kindern. Wenn sie nicht in die Tasten haut, versucht sie auf dem Kopf zu stehen. Madhavi praktiziert seit mehr als 25 Jahren Yoga - was aber in Wirklichkeit nichts zu bedeuten hat.
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